The Rhumb Line Headline Animator

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Intersection of Langley & Sesame Street

Top of everybody's home page this week: WikiLeaks.

Color us flummoxed. Sure, an email is more like a postcard than a sealed letter -- we get that. But how does an ostensibly "secure" system allow one low-level Benedict Arnold to purloin and distribute 250,000 confidential documents - from the State Department, no less? There will always be traitors. One would expect a labyrinth of trip wires, encryptions and codes to negate treason on such a massive scale, no?

Perhaps we expect too much. After a bit of snooping, it looks like "The Company" has relocated -- culturally at least -- to Sesame Street.

The CIA is actively recruiting - much like Sears or Walmart.  Visit their web site www.cia.gov.  and you'll be hard put to say whether it's for real or a plug for Agent Cody Banks 4.

Back in the day, CIA guys were covertly culled from elite military outfits. They were tall, dark and dangerous and lit cigarettes with rigged Zippos that could blow up Murmansk. 

The new CIA has a kids' page. We kid you not.

There's a self-administered test: https://www.cia.gov/careers/games-information/photo-analysis-challenge/index.html. It displays two similar photos. Spot the differences and you may be secret agent material. To help determine your spy profile/potential are several "movies" (actually cheesy Power Point slide shows) with Miami Vice-ish techno sound tracks. This is beyond idiotic.

Hot Ruskie Spies
Still unsure as to whether you want to crawl over broken glass through a Pyonyang alley or sip cold Dom on a super-yacht as you wheedle secrets from hot Ruskie spies? Just take the CIA personality quiz: https://www.cia.gov/careers/cia-personality-quiz.html. It's a LOT more fun than the Scientology personality quiz, and once I finished, it declared me an "impressive mastermind."

Is this any way to safeguard a nation?

In the interest of National Security, we've forwarded this man's resume to the appropriate "intelligence" agencies. We're pretty sure he'll make the cut.

If you're considering digital encryption for your business, drop us an email - we can recommend  several private sector companies that have never had a breach.

Lastly, there was a 007 that predated Sean Connery, who is erroneously believed to have been first to portray James Bond on screen. If you can name him, we'll send you a bullet hole from the gate house at Checkpoint Charlie.

This page will self-destruct in 10 seconds.

Good luck.

LARRY BLEIDNER

5 comments:

  1. That answer is...INCORRECT!
    LB

    ReplyDelete
  2. If memory serves me correctly, the first James Bond appeared on television, not the big screen. American audiences were introduced to "Jimmy Bond" in a TV production of Casino Royale, which ran as an episode of the CBS Climax! Mystery Theatre anthology series. Now there was some great television programming! Much better than Two and Half Men and Glee! Barry Nelson played Bond (as an American agent), dubbed "Card Sense Jimmy Bond".) Bet you didn't even know this, Rhumbline!

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  3. You sir, (ma'am?)are CORRECT! However we doubt that your memory served you so well as a Google search. Like KGB interrogators or political candidates, we NEVER ask a question for which we don't already know the answer.

    Now tell us, what is "Glee?"
    LB

    ReplyDelete
  4. Google search??? How dare you insult me!!! I have a vast knowledge of all things James Bond and don't need to google anything!!! As for Glee, perhaps you need to do a google search on the year 2010, RumBlind!

    ReplyDelete